Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Divorce Part 6 - After the move out

"Might not have so far to go / Just to leave the mess behind / I see the sun coming up / I know it's worth believing" The Used

A lot happened after the move out. The next year was a year of adjustments. We had to figure out how to take care of the kids as a divorcing couple. It was a trying time as well. 

I let him continue to get the kids off the bus and come into my house and start homework with them as he always did. This caused many issues. He was always going through my stuff - mail, paperwork, looking in my room, etc. He thought I was too stupid not to notice. He even opened a gift card I had hidden behind something on the windowsill to see who it was from. My son was upset because it was a Starbucks gift card for his birthday from the kids. So of course I heard about the snooping from my son.

He made comments about fresh flowers I had at the house. He even accused me of having a party one weekend when he had the kids. Why? He had to stop at the house for something one of the kids forgot. I wasn't home.  He went into my son's room and found one of my shoes in the middle of the room! I swear I laughed about that one forever! I have no idea how it got there but it was ONE shoe and perhaps the dog drug it in there? Who knows and who cares? Most importantly, how does that indicate a party?

He still comes to my house after school a few days a week. I had to threaten to not allow him into the house anymore and would change the locks if he didn't leave my stuff alone. He finally stopped and for the most part it works now. It is good for the kids.

Then, there was the legal stuff. I hired a lawyer. He represented himself. So he paid ZERO dollars for the divorce.  He thought he was a lawyer and wanted all kinds of crazy shit. My lawyer laughed at him. She wanted to know where he got some of his demands and requests. He would threaten me constantly. I just kept plugging forward legally. 

There were lots of fights and I was regularly called a bully. He wasn't getting his way like he was used to and therefore I was a bully. Interestingly enough, it was him that was acting bullish. I was simply implementing boundaries and legally proceeding. He did not want me to use a lawyer. He wanted him and I to write up our own agreement. I am glad I didn't go that route.

Then, there was the insanity. He demanded to speak to the children every single night. He would get so irate if I missed a night. Well, sometimes I was busy with them at night and forgot or just didn't have time. It was a big change for us and it required adjustment learning to balance getting home at 6 pm, dinner, homework, bedtime. For awhile my son threw hour long or more fits at night before bedtime. It was hard for me to deal with. I was often just mentally exhausted at night. 

Well, one night during a massive fit with my son, Scott kept calling. I answered angrily and told him it wasn't a good time and to relax. He proceeded to text me. I told him to back off, put my phone in my room on the charger and silenced it. I didn't need him on me while I was trying to get my son to settle. 

About an hour later, my son was settled and asleep. I was in my daughter's room tucking her in when there was a knock at my door. It was 9:30 pm. My dog went crazy barking. I flicked on the light and there in the dark with a flashlight was the Sheriff.  I answered the door. He told me that my husband called them to check on his kids. That I was not answering the phone and he thought they might be in danger. My response was "Are you kidding me?" He asked if I and the kids were ok. I said I was just fine. My daughter was behind me and he saw her. I turned around and asked her to go back to her room. I stepped outside and closed the door behind me. He said "I am so sorry to bother you on a school night at this hour ma'am."  My reply "He is no longer my husband, nor does he live her anymore. We are getting divorced." He said, "We will make note ma'am. We have on record that he contacted us before." I asked "He did?" He said, "Yes ma'am, he wanted us to escort him here to check on his kids because I wouldn't let him come by one day. We told him we don't do that." I shook my head in disbelief and wished him a good night. 

I checked my phone and had 30 missed calls and text messages threatening to call the police. I went into my daughter's room and had to comfort her. She heard us talking she said and asked why Daddy called the police. "I don't know" was the only answer I could give her. She was very frightened.

Things got better as time went on. Craziness ensued on occasion. My kids did relatively well considering. I am very proud of them.