Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Divorce - Part 2 - The Truth Comes Out

"All I want is the truth / Just give me some truth" - John Lennon

I don't know where my husband went for 5 days. I know he didn't take my calls until two days after leaving. He claimed he was staying in a hotel in the city paid for by his friend Richard (We were pretty broke at the time). He also claims Richard set him up with a lady who is a counselor to speak with him about what was going on.

Knowing what I know now, I don't think that any of the above is true. The only definitive thing he told me was that he would be home on Wednesday after work. So my guess is he flew to Ft. Lauderdale to be with Kari, his mistress. She was the one "counseling" him and the reason he wouldn't come home earlier than Wednesday to talk about the divorce even when I asked him to.

So I went to work, kept to myself and carried on with my life. I remember cutting the grass after work and smiling to myself that I was now going to be on my own living my life and back in charge of it. It was a tremendous feeling. To some that may seem raw and cruel but to me it was my first good and confident feeling I had had in a long time.

On Wednesday night he arrived home. We didn't speak much. On Thursday night we had to pack as we were leaving after work Friday to go to my parent's in Ohio to spend the week and fly back with the kids. It was Thursday night when I told him I didn't want him to go to my parent's with me. Of course he begged and pleaded. He said the kids were expecting him, etc, etc. Same old lectures of convincing I was used to. At some point in that conversation we got in a huge fight and I made him admit he was having an affair with Kari. Oh he not only admitted it, he gave me tons of details . . .

1. He had reconnected with her on Facebook (Shocker!) after his class reunion took place and he saw pictures of her via his high school buddies.

2. They went to Junior Prom together.

3. She just had her divorce finalized two months before he was admitting all this that night.

4. She had two boys and one shared a name with ours. (Yeah, that made me feel so much better!)

5. She was extremely rich and successful.

6. Two years prior when he was unemployed and taking care of the kids he told me Richard was letting him use some extra miles he had to fly to Ft. Lauderdale for the weekend to relax a bit (because he said he was depressed) and hang out with his high school buddies. He admitted that it was really Kari who used her miles (she works in travel) and flew him there. That was the first time they slept together but as he puts it, "I didn't go there to sleep with her". Oh really! If a guy flew me to his place for the weekend after we had been texting/talking for a year I don't think it would be to sleep with him at all! NO! Never! Besides the adultery started a year prior when he started having daily conversations with her.

7. She tried to get him a job with the luxury cruise line she worked for. He told me all about the job prior. He was so excited and told me a high school buddy hooked him up and his chances were good. He didn't stop talking about it prior to going for the interview. He even said (get this!) that if he got the job he would move there by himself for like a year to see if it was a good fit and the kids and i could stay here. He would just fly home on the weekends. How incredibly convenient that would have been for him don't ya think?

8. He even told me about the first time that they slept together. I asked if that was the $200 charge on our credit card that I had questioned him about during the #6 trip above. He previously had told me that he and his buddies were drinking at the hotel bar and he charged the bill and they all gave him cash. Truth is he admitted was that he got a room for him and her to shack up. I never saw the cash and he was unemployed so $200 was a huge hit to our then $39,000 a year family income.

9. When I asked about all his other "business trips" to Florida that he was going on with Richard because they were trying to supposedly start a new business, I found out it was all her flying him to visit. Prior to this night he had recently spent a week in Orlando for a "convention" and I found it odd that I didn't hear from him once during the entire week. He was with her I now know.

I remember sitting on my bedroom floor crying for the better part of the night. I don't know if I slept or how I even finished packing for my parent's house. I rode to work with him since we were going to the airport after work. We didn't talk at all. I got to my desk at work and broke down in horrible, loud sobs. I am sure people around me were in shock and didn't know what was going on. No one said anything though.

Finally, someone on my team arrived and he stopped by to say Happy Birthday and give me a candy bouquet. (It was in 3 days but I would be out of town) Instead he found me a mess. A hot, blubbery, crying mess. He sat with me and just listened. We weren't even close friends really but I think he felt obligated.

I made it through the day somehow and got picked up for the airport. We didn't speak to each other. I stood as far away from him as I could. I wanted no association with him what so ever. I was seething with anger and hatred. I watched from afar as the asshole (dressed in a suit because he thinks traveling dressed up gets you better perks) tried to convince the gate person to let him board early. The guy kept saying no and he just kept trying to work his magic on him. I just looked on with disgust. I kept thinking, "Why did I marry such a jerk?" We boarded the flight, sat apart and then I put on my facade upon arrival in Detroit.


Haelie said...

Girl, I wish I had known. We were working together this whole time and I was oblivious...as we all are about each other, honestly. I am so sorry you had to go through all of this and still keep up a facade. I know it must have been excruciating! So glad you are in a much better place now. :o)

Bev Rogers said...

I hate that you had to go thru this! What a scum bag! He doesn't deserve you.