Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Where is Arthur?

The death of my paternal grandmother has left me feeling rather strange and uneasy. It was not a complete shock and I don't feel completely sad, but I think I am sadder than I feel.

I think my brother is too. He has called myself,my parents and my husband every day. He is the type that you could go a month without hearing from him. My brother was probably closer to my grandparents than I. Only because he was older and lived with them for awhile when my grandfather was not well and helped my grandmother take care of him. I was off in college and then on to West Virginia in those years. My brother has a myspace account and so do I. Daily, I watched his mood status comment. "I am sad." "Thinking about grandma." "Missing Grandma". Seeing that brings tears to my eyes. He even made his profile pic a picture of him with our grandma holding up a cake. We celebrated his 37th birthday when we went to visit her last September. It was a great visit as the whole family made it (knowing it may be the last time) and she got to meet my youngest for the first and last time. I have great pictures of her with the kids and my oldest really remembers and knows her now.

Anyway, we get a call from my parents who are still in Virginia taking care of business related to my grandmother's death. They tell us they don't know where my grandfather is that passed away 12 years ago. "What do you mean?", I ask. Turns out that his ashes are not in the grave site like we thought. Or at least we aren't sure yet. The cemetary has no record of them ever being placed with his headstone that exists there. Apparently, there is a fee to bury the ashes and their records don't show that ever being paid or that the burial ever happened. My grandmother donated my grandfather's body to medical research and then had him cremated. So it was a few months after his death when the ashes were returned to her. There is record that the ashes were indeed returned to her. No record of what happened after that. And no recollection of every actually seeing them by anyone in my family.

So now, Grandma is gone and she is the only person who would know where Arthur (my grandfather) would be. Did she bury him in her back yard? Did she spread the ashes in the lake? Did she spread them in the farm field near their house? Or did her Dimentia mind just throw them in the trash when she moved to Virginia at age 84?

I guess we will find out if she will rest beside him when they put her to rest. The mystery still remains.


Nola said...

Wow. Hope you solve the mystery!

Krista said...

he's in your hearts, of course.

Greta Perry said...

That is quite a dilemma. Though it may never be solved, you know he was loved.